When you get a friend request from your Dad on facebook
WHEN DID YOU START USING TECHNOLOGY
So I’m convinced this is the way raising a child goes for parents…
They’re all excited to have you when you’re a baby, you’re all adorable and they can show you off to all their friends, you’re an instant attention grabber. Then you’re a toddler and it’s so cute because now you don’t wear diapers and everything is a brand new experience for everyone.
Then you’re a kid and it’s alright, but they know the teenage years are coming so they’re trying to distance themselves from what is undoubtedly going to be an onslaught of miserable whining.
Then you’re a teenager and it is just the worst thing ever and they try desperately to tell you not to be an idiot and you guys fight every day and it’s just terrible and everyone hates each other.
Then you go to college and it’s like the best thing ever for your parents minus the whole money and “they are never going to get a job” and “why can’t they pass this one class?” thing.
Then you’re 21 and they are so god damn happy because you’re like an adult and they can take you out to get drunk and you can all do adult things together and holy shit what’s this, you can curse around them.
So I’m pretty sure the two highlights of parenthood are when you’re an adorable little chubby baby and everything you do is cute and when you’re an adult and something close to an actual rational being they don’t have to worry is going to kill themselves with stupidity every waking moment of their life.
That feeling you get when you get a letter in the mail saying they might turn off your electric…
Fucking rewards programs.
Are so damn annoying.
I did not want to buy it the first time you asked, nor the second, nor the third, or any of the other times you asked in our 15 minute conversation that consisted of you insisting I pay for the program while my various responses of “no, thank you” got more and more annoyed.
That sudden moment that guy your friends with starts being that guy you have a crush on and is totally unattainable…
Listening to music:
Concerts: the only time I’m ever early to anywhere.
Any other time I’m just late.
Doing homework is impossible when the internet is working.
What even is homework? Reading? Pffffffffff. Yeah right.
I want to know who’s idea it was to dip cookies in milk…
So I can go back in time and thank them for passing on this wonderful knowledge.